perpetual trains

A message.

2010-04-17T01:33:00.006+02:00

I feel like I need to express something, but I'm not sure what about or how to go about it. I can't seem to formulate myself - all I know is that I have this intense desire to express something.

At first I figured I'd talk to someone. It was consoling, but it didn't solve my situation. So here I am, writing mostly for myself but also for anyone else who's interested.

Maybe I want to talk about the recent conscious changes in my life, stuff that's really close to my heart. Problem is, I am afraid of other people's reactions to what I have to say, even though I know that any negative reactions they show isn't directed at me personally but rather an issue they have themselves. I guess this applies to all negative feedback from others but the point is, I need to stop taking it personally and realise that it's really not directed at me.

So yes, I realise that I want to tell you something. That something is Elfpath. This community has become something dear to me lately. It's been a great guide to improving my life and I've felt so much more at peace lately, and most of it's thanks to the people that make up Elfpath.

I know you're going to have prejudices and all sorts of warning signals are going off in your head as you skim the site, but please try and be a little open-minded. Take a second and look past the "lol, what is this, it's a cult or definitely a money scam*" and think "what if?" for just a few seconds. Then decide what you want to do with the information given to you.

When I was directed to Elfpath by a friend I trust, I felt exactly how you felt when you skimmed the site, no joke. At first I was amused and kind of looked down on what was written. "They sound like such looneys, haha. Seriously, the forum must be full of new age-y hippies." But then I decided that, what the heck, I'll sign up for the intro course because I want my life to be better and really, what do I have to lose? And I haven't regret anything yet.

The road hasn't been easy, and it's going to get harder before it gets easier. My Elfpath group has an upcoming lesson about fear and anger which is probably going to be really tough because I have a lot of anger stored up. You must know right now that a) Elfpath is not a quick-fix thing and b) You need to put in the work to see results. The great thing about the community is that the teachers give you the tools to help yourself, and they don't force you to believe anything, only that you are willing to try things and see for yourself. It's all up to you, and the tea house (i.e. the community) is there to help you should you need it.

So, we come to the point of this message. I want to get word of Elfpath out there. Every day I log onto Facebook and Twitter and there's so much complaining, so much anger, so many negative thoughts. What amuses me and saddens me the most is when people join pages or groups with negative context. I used to partake in it, feasting off the negativity till one day I realised that what I'm doing isn't rewarding me in any way and that it was probably pretty unhealthy. I want to be happy, damn it. Being angry, upset and negative takes a LOT of energy - energy which you can spend in so many better and constructive ways. Though I started learning to deal with this before Elfpath, I can say that I've made significantly more progress with the help of the community because I know that I'm not alone in my struggles. So if you feel like I did, or feel like you want to change and be happy, please give Elfpath a fair chance. You won't know till you've tried.

If you have ANY thoughts, any questions, anything, I am more than willing to see if I can answer them.

* Introduction course is free, fyi.

Hylian vertigo.

2010-03-01T16:40:00.005+01:00

Yeah, I've been playing Oracle of Seasons for too long - talk about feeling dazed and being unable to focus my sight (I was supposed to have napped when I got home, too). Basically feeling like a Boomeranged ChuChu.

(It can't be helped though. I just adore Legend of Zelda :3)

Anyway, can't really nap; don't want to muck about with my sleeping hours again. Sleeping 3 hours and then to be semi-awake for another 3 hours until forced out of bed at 10:30 is not much fun. Guess I could get around to getting into (slightly more) detail about my university choices.

Like I wrote previously, I'm torn between 3 choices and the situation is this: I've received unconditional offers for both the joint honours and the FdA, which means I've received a place at the university (note: University of Derby). Though I never applied for the BSc*, the UCAS application guide booklet tells me the following.

"If you are happy with your choice of university or college but you want to change your choice of course [...] you should write to the university or college direct [...] If the university or college agrees, they will tell us about the change. If you have already received an offer from the university or college for your original choice, we will cancel it and the new offer will show on Track."

So, before I call the admissions office I need to have decided that I want to go for the BSc since my other offers will be cancelled. But what to decide?

Hospitality & Spa Therapies (Joint honours)
Pros: More variety in skills means I can look for work outside the spa industry and keep my options open; Hospitality seems like a fun thing to study.
Cons: Not getting the most out of my spa studies; will possibly have a harder time getting work or promotions in either field because it's a more all-round degree, especially in the hospitality industry

Spa (Management pathway) FdA
Pros: Feels like a more practical, hands-on (read: easier xD) management education than the BSc; skills learnt in this pathway open up career opportunities in self-employment, spa administration thus possibly a fatter pay-check.
Cons: A foundation degree isn't as "good" or impressive as a bachelors; I will only get work placements at the university's spa (I think). Management skills are more transferable than therapy skills.

Spa (Therapies pathway) FdA
Pros: More hands-on and I get to learn more about the actual therapies, which is what I'm interested in.
Cons: Harder work and less pay than management work. Possibly harder to find work. Less opportunity for promotion and self-employment. Focused skills means they aren't as transferable, thus narrowing job field.

International Spa Management (BSc)
Pros: Most prestigious of the 3 (4) options. Most job opportunities, will definitely define my career path for the next 6 years at least.
Cons: Will basically lock me into a career that I may or may not like; might not be able to handle the pressure of the course (optional 4th year international work placement, HELLA NERVE-WRECKING)

Needless to say, I'm procrastinating.

* Don't ask me why. Not sure what reasoning I had at the time, but it was probably deduced from a delusional state of mind caused by stress from the impending UCAS application deadline.

Sometimes, you just get that urge.

2010-03-01T01:07:00.004+01:00

Don't feel like writing in my Livejournal, don't feel like writing in my journal. Thus, I return to my blogspot sanctuary for some jibberjabber.

I believe this blogspot is now little more than a year old. Time is such a fickle thing but contemplation upon the subject makes no man happy, therefore I'll leave it at that.

But yeah, it's March. This means there will be a few birthdays to celebrate (notably Mabel's). Not sure what's going down quite yet (I vote fancy dinner at home or cake buffet at café Villekulla, maybe even both if we feel like being overly decandent), but I will at least finally be having lunch at Brasserie Västerhav (Ester Mosessson's lunch restaurant where Mabel will be working the next 3 weeks) with mom and possibly Maximilian. That should be rather exciting :)

This week I will also (most hopefully) be finalising my university decisions. I'm still torn between the joint honours (Hospitality & Spa Therapies), the FdA (Spa, and then to choose either the management or therapies pathway) and the BSc (International Spa Management, assuming I can still get a place there*). What I choose will very much affect how I will work in the industry in the future, or so it feels like anyway. I will talk about the differences in my next entry.**

Now to bed, because we have people who're coming over to change the radiators at the god-awful hour of 7am.

* I didn't apply for the course. In retrospect, a poor decision.
** Assuming I am not too lazy, and that I'll write my next entry on blogspot. Heh.

Current mood.

2009-07-13T23:43:00.006+02:00

No more flirts,
No more "feelings",
No more "You're wonderful"s (pseudo);
No more courting,
No more touching,
No more fake dates with fake words;
No more sex,
No more kissing,
No more intimacy sold cheaply;
No more pretending,
No more heartache,

No more - please.

(Let me slip into something more comfortable.)

New option.

2009-05-13T23:02:00.001+02:00

Soooo. Singapore for uni studies - yes, no?

(Well, t'is all I got time to write. Gotta return to the bore that is Geography.)

I like these kind of challenges.

2009-05-13T00:17:00.004+02:00

How many times have you been in love? If going by the definition of "falling in love" with a person romantically - once.

Favourite sweets: Sour sweets and chocolate.

Coolest city you've ever visited: All cities are cool in their own way, but my favourites are most likely Paris and Edinburgh. Though I'll be going to Alicante and Amsterdam soon, so this might change! (Doubtful, but you never know.)

Action or horror? I think horror movies are pointless and silly. Except for Saw I, which was seriously scary.

What you wanted to be when you were younger: Fashion designer or professional freelance illustrator around 12; psychologist around 14. Now? Teacher :)

When did you receive your first kiss? I believe I was around 12, with my first "boyfriend" Alex. Ah, childhood.

How were you like in middle/high school? Shy, introverted and later kind of dark by year 8-9.

What are your addictions? Good food, sunshine and my music. Also Twitter, which is my most recent addiction.

Most fun event of the day: Playing Restaurant City on Facebook (thanks Shaun =P)

Most sad/boring event of the day: Finding out that a good online friend just broke up with her boyfriend of 6 years.

Mood of the day: Quite good; not overly cheerful but not depressing either.

What TV shows do you follow? ATM CSI Las Vegas, Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy, Gossip Girl, Project Runway and Criminal Minds.

What do you like the most about yourself? That I'm evolving into a more positive person and that I'm handling negative aspects of my life rather gallantly.

What do you like the least about yourself? That I have trouble letting go and just indulging in doing crazy, free-spirited things like most kids my age.

What is the most fun thing you know? Depends on my mood really.

Do you have a motto? Not really. I don't feel the need to live my life by a guideline summarised in one sentence.

Secret hobby? Secret? Why even bother with a secret hobby? And if I did have one I wouldn't be writing it up on a public blog, would I?

Something we don't know about you? Uuuh. I've recently started considering Singapore as an option for uni studies? :D

What do you regret? What do you wish for? I regret not going to culinary school. I wish I weren't so careful in love.

Something that you can't survive without? Music.

What do you prefer to do on a weekday? Depends on my mood. It can vary from spending an eventful day with friends, a fun one with the family or an insightful one by myself.

What do you prefer to do on a Saturday evening? A social activity with close and fun people.

What do you have most of in your wardrobe? Shirts. I don't have enough skirts or dresses.

Dream job: Either owning a successful cupcakery, being a housewife or an event planner (particularly of the wedding and party kind, hehe.)

---

Challenged by: Bea.
Challenging: Emma, Shaun + anyone who feels like doing this.

We're at the end of the road

2009-05-08T23:53:00.002+02:00

Oh shit. There's a week left of school before Alicante.

This would be all dandy and fine if I didn't have so many assignments left to do. And yet here I am still procrastinating. For some reason I just can't bring myself to do my assignments. School work is the last of my priorities right now, and though I told myself to hold it up for this last spurt I just can't bring myself to do it. At this point I just want to get it all done, grades to hell with it. I can live with Gs and VGs.

Anyway, listen to this instrumental song; it's energizing and uplifting. I always feel warm and hopeful after listening to it a few times. ♥

Okay, I'll attempt to get organized and get some stuff done.

Needing some "Me" time

2009-04-20T15:12:00.006+02:00

Had our project presentations last week - what a relief! Now with that behind me I can try and get my act together for Civics, History, Philosophy and Geography... (It's kinda embarrassing how far back I've fallen with these subjects, at least for my standards, so I need to work on my fighting spirit. The last spurt before graduation..!)

School matters aside, I need to take a timeout from anything related to flirting, sex and people of the opposite sex. Harder said than done. But yeah, I'm sick of it (sick of a lot of things actually). I want it to be about me and my well-being - physically, emotionally and mentally. I want, and need, to take care of myself first.

To do that I guess I'll need to document this somehow (and here's where the blog comes in, partially.) I'll write down small things I do day-to-day that bring me a sense of serenity and completeness, and I'll also write down how I feel during my "up" moments.

(Let's try to stay positive.)

When I came home from school today I lit a rose-scented cone incense. Took a while to figure out how to keep the cone smouldering (it's a bit tricky), but eventually I had lush, smoky-white tendrils licking the air and a lovely aroma of sandalwood, rose and smoke spread through the apartment. It was especially nice to sit on the balcony and enjoy the smell in quiet sunshine.

Now as I'm writing this, I also have a piping hot cup of Chinese green tea (the gunpowder variety) on the table.

It's kinda nice, you know. ♥

Anyway. SPS3 is heading for Stockholm on Wednesday. Knowing Kristina, it's going to be hectic and stressful but hopefully we'll manage xD I'll also meet up with Per for some smaller chitchat and to retrieve a Macbook from him. Hopefully, more on that in the next post.

"Do you fancy a quick fiddle now we're in here?"

2009-04-03T21:24:00.007+02:00

FUCK this. I will be cryptic. *types away*

***

Turbulent week in terms of matters of the "heart". Started with E, then added was J. Later, as a surprise, S jumped into the equation only to jump out. So now only E and J? Not that I mind, but I was looking forward to having S.

Actually, given the choice right this moment it'd be S, J and E. But circumstances can change. And the "heart" can change - oh yes, it can.

Sizzling, burning, intense S? Cuddly, quirky, sweet J? Calm, pleasant, casual E? Sounds like drugs; not far from the truth. Can't OD though - must make a choice. Clearly, S is a bad batch but good girls like to taste that which is bad. Good girls are practically drawn to bad things like moths towards fire. The high obtained with J is wonderful but short-lasting. Took a great deal of effort to whip up this mixture, but do I really I want it? And god knows what E will make me do - does it even have an effect really? It's old news and I want something else.

(Truth be told, drug effects are temporary but they give me satisfaction, if only for a while. Brain damage may occur in the process, but what do I care? I only want a bit of fun.)

I have no patience - I want my fix now. The dealer better hand it to me next week, though I have no idea what will be delivered. Definitely not S, which is unfortunate. I shall have to taste both E and J.

Live music, mmm.

2009-03-29T23:36:00.003+02:00

Just came back from an evening at Diamond Dogs with Kim. Yay ♥

Anyway, it's been an intense week. Project has been handed in and now I can kick back and relax... NOT. >> At least it's one less thing to do.

So I have much to write, but I can't be bothered. Summarize, shall I?

Örebro: Great fun - got to meet loads of people. Itch members left inspired, which is fantastic.
Class dinner: Not as fun as last time, but still good =)

Now to study for Geography tomorrow. Ta now.

In Örebro!

2009-03-21T00:43:00.004+01:00

Has been a long day - four hours by bus! I'm glad I got more company this time xD We're sleeping in a classroom (luckily I brought a liggunderlag).

Anywho, have to sleep now. Breakfast is served from 07:00 to 08:45... Damn, that's early for a weekend.

(We got t-shirts! :D)

Speak.

2009-03-18T22:41:00.005+01:00

I should blog about something. Question is, what?

I've written a bunch of things and then removed them, three times now. I know what I truly wish to write about but I can't.

Maddafakka - att jag inte ens kan skriva om mitt sex- och kärleksliv på MIN blogg.

Technically, I could write what I want. But the trouble that may follow will be too much for me to add to my plate. SO, I will attempt to write about something else. Like my views on love and relationships.

If someone were to ask me what I think about relationships, I would probably respond negatively. But the truth is, I don't know what to think.

On one hand, I find that many relationships are superficial, false, and worse of all, it renders many people helpless and/or weak. Why do we constantly look for happiness in other people? Is it that unbearable to - gaspage! - live your life without a significant partner? I believe the answer is no. In a way, people who constantly search for "the one" disgust me. I also get annoyed with people who fall hard when they fall in and out of love (i.e. they have short-lasting "serious" relationships and never learn from their failures). Both these people tend to be repeatedly dissatisfied with their love lives because they don't understand what a serious relationship is all about. For goodness sake, if you can't do it right, a) try to learn, b) don't complain about it or c) DON'T DO IT.

Seriously. A major factor for success in a relationship has to do with your self-image. If you are not content with yourself, generally unhappy and insecure, you will most likely not reach that ultimate relationship that most people dream of. The "love" you give will be false; you will love because you are being loved back, and what you have is temporary because the foundations aren't strong. Not to mention, the people you attract in life reflect yourself. If your partner's a mess, you should take a look in the mirror; if you are unhappy with your partner, take a look in the mirror. My point is, if you're unhappy with yourself, how on earth do you expect to be happy with someone else? That's two unhappy people in a "loving" relationship. A formula for success? I think not. If you do improve your self-image, it is likely that you'll have a higher chance of a successful relationship. At the same time, you will learn that you can survive without one and can actually be happy staying single.

Despite what I feel about relationships, I do still believe that they can be wonderful as long as they're done right. People just have to start using their heads more. I'm not saying they should suppress their feelings - I'm saying that they need to be smart about it. Because, yes; there is actually more to a relationship that just feelings and sex.

I've said (some of) my peace now and I'll stop - this post went from no writing to a little too much. xD

Haha, haven't written poems in a while.

2009-03-16T01:40:00.004+01:00

There can never be a you-and-me;
Who knows where the road starts.
Seconds have slipped by through the window
When we weren't watching shared steps, but
Watching our own.
White doors fade into the background just
As quickly as they had surfaced
A moment before.
We follow the coloured one instead -
"Mine is blue, what is yours?"
Would have been the question asked.
Perhaps it is blue too
But the idea of perfection overwhelms.
Now we can only lose ourselves
And not each other.

***

This is a poem about missed oppurtunities, uncrossed paths and strangers. I was inspired by the possible irony of desperate people looking high and low for the perfect partner/friend who could've very well been that random person who stood three spots ahead of you in a grocery line last Wednesday afternoon.

Hope you enjoyed reading this :) Feedback is welcome.

Insert title of choice.

2009-03-08T01:51:00.005+01:00

I'm really into Loreena McKennitt at the moment. That woman has such an amazing voice, not to mention her music is outstanding - powerful, moving and full of mystery. ♥ Surprisingly enough I think I enjoy her Middle-East inspired compositions over her Celtic ones.

(I wonder if she's ever toured in Sweden?)

Another thing I'm into at the moment is Secret Diary of a Call Girl. Saw it on TV yesterday, was intrigued and am currently going through the first season. I never really liked Billie Piper in Doctor Who, but she does an excellent job as Belle/Hannah.

Anyway. I'm wearing braces again. 9 months - should pass by pretty quickly. I wanted to see if they could postpone it till after graduation, but to hell with it really. If I look like a nerdy mofo in Alicante, at prom and graduation, so be it x)

So, CAE and Mikaela's sleepover party this Saturday, followed by a weekend in Örebro next week. Busy, busy, busy.

Piscean birthdays

2009-03-04T21:47:00.003+01:00

Mabel's birthday today :) Had dinner at Déjà Vu with her, mom and Alex - food was quite all right, perhaps a tad salty. I had lime-crusted salmon with baked potato and basil créme. Dessert was okay - chocolate fudge cake with strawberry preserves and whipped cream. No photos unfortunately, since that restaurant has REALLY crappy lighting.

Tomorrow's Sarah A's birthday - I think she's planning something this weekend. Mikaela from NP will have her birthday evening next Saturday after the Cambridge exams. Sometime this or next week my cousin and aunt will also have their birthdays. And of course, I attended Caitlin's birthday party on Sunday.

Hah, March is spring's equivalent to autumn's September in terms of birthdays. xD

Pixel Love!

2009-02-28T21:54:00.003+01:00

Me ♥ pixel games. Dirk Valentine is the shit!

Today I tried Magnum Temptations Caramel - very meh. Also, it came in a fancy box! WTF, what a waste and how unnecessary for the price (23 SEK for a tiny Magnum.)

Also, if you haven't got one already, get Twitter so that I can stalk you 8) My username's astaldoia.

That's it for today, folks.

Last weekend...

2009-02-27T20:39:00.004+01:00

... was great fun.

First, a fun afternoon with Sarah, Felix, Charm and Emma at G Chocolat (where else?). There was cake buffet for 50 SEK! Ah, happy days ♥ It was a shame that Anna couldn't grab her share, though when she dropped by after her errands we force-fed her some of our slices.

(I actually restrained myself and took 3 slices - there were 7 different cakes in total.)

There were also free chocolates on the counter, and free semlor. Is it any wonder why we're there so often? ♥

Later on in the evening, Anna, Felix and I headed to Annedalkyrkan for Anúna's performance - and what a performance it was. Hearing great choral voices in the acoustics of the church is nothing short of breathtaking. And the great thing is that Anúna's not a professional choir, which is why they also have a personal and humourous approach when addressing their audience. The McGlynn brothers are very amusing xD

(All my favourite songs were performed! When they announced "Dúlamán" there was a very audiable "Yes!" from the front row which could or could not have been me... 8D;)

After the concert was over we got to talk to some of the singers - I believe it was Rory, Kevin, Lucy, Alice and John. So much fun to be able to converse with them about random stuff. Also, Felix bought the Sensations album but forgot to get Michael to sign it Dx We fail. But it was fun to see him stand behind the sales counter like some comical manager who's selling merchandise to people after getting his trained monkeys to entertain the crowd - you get the picture x)

Fast-forward to Saturday evening - "movie night" at Felix's. When I arrived only Magnus was there, and shortly after Hedvig joined us. We shared a really nice spicy tomato soup which Felix had prepared. Eventually the rest arrive - Emma, Anna, Sarah and John (or Slinzer). We watched Knocked Up, had Sarah's quick-fix kladdkaka and then just goofed around and talked.

(We had frozen blueberries with the kladdkaka. People forgot to put them back in the freezer. Looks like menstruation blood, doesn't it? Slinz smeared some on his face and ran roaring into Felix's room, in true war-paint style.)

Anywho. That was last weekend, all great and stuff. This week, not so great. At least I found a new song that I like ("All Spark" by The Editors :D)

Oh hell no.

2009-02-26T18:57:00.002+01:00

Yours truly has gone and caught herself a cold. Fucking faboo.

(On the other hand, I haven't had a cold since October or November sometime. Guess it's high time I caught one now.)

Anyway, I will blog about last weekend... this weekend. Once I have my school and newspaper duties taken care of. *thumbs up*

Insert thought here.

2009-02-24T00:54:00.003+01:00

I have slight issues with being thought of as cute.

It's not that I dislike it - it's usually a positive remark. I understand why some would find my appearance cute, but I can't really wrap my head around it. It really does not fit in with the image I have of myself. But, I guess it can come in handy to play cute at times >)

Anyway. Just a passing entry before I write about the weekend.

DUDE.

2009-02-20T01:42:00.001+01:00

http://www.thehuntforgollum.com/
and
http://www.bornofhope.com/

How freakin' cool isn't this??? :DDD

TGIF.

2009-02-20T00:14:00.002+01:00

All mind-boggling life questions aside, it looks like it's going to be a great Friday :) I can forget the project for the weekend, I'm seeing Anúna perform tomorrow (♥), it's a short school day and I have 100 SEK to spend at Kicks.

Spent a cosy afternoon with mom today - she's back from Malaysia. I'm happy that she's back but at the same time, there are certain things which I've not missed... like her nagging x) Oh well. Lots of treats have been brought home, such as kaya (coconut jam for those who don't know), cookies and clothes. I wasn't able to get a tailored white cheongsam for graduation, but mom found a cute but classy white dress that fits. AND she got a pretty pair of white pumps for it too. Thanks mom! :3

Anyway, we had banana muffins with teh tarik whilst watching a film (The Magdalene Sisters - highly recommended!)

(Quite a strong film set in '60s Ireland about 3 "fallen" women sent to Magdalene Asylums.)

Anyway, for once I'll actually go to bed early.

fumes

2009-02-19T03:34:00.009+01:00

Erwin har rätt - ibland inser man inte hur lyckligt lottad man är när man kan sitta hemma och bara "vara".

Jag vill inte har något mer med projektet att göra. Faaaaan, varför valde jag inte något som intresserade mig mer? (Jo, därför lärarna vill att man jobbar i grupp. Who else would want to work with food? Yeah that's right - no one.)

Fakkit alltså.

Anywho, skippar så klart skolan imorn. Orka dra mig dit för advisory, "project time" och en ynklig geografilektion när man istället kan använda tiden för att jobba arslet av sig på reporten. Måste till skolan vid 3 dock, har newspapermöte.

(By the way, I'm considering if I shouldn't just write in English from now on. I assure you I'm considering this because of my audience and not because I might be too lazy to write in Swedish at times :P)

Nu är det snart 4 på morgonen. Jag är trött men känner inte alls för att gå lägga mig än. So let's do that list of expenses I was talking about, ey?

Smaller costs

Larger costs

So. We're looking at around a total of 13 000 SEK if I'm paying everything myself; 9000 SEK if my parents are feeling generous. This means I will realistically speaking be coughing up 4000 SEK before the Alicante trip. We have 3 more utbetalningar of our studiebidrag before graduation (our 4th utbetalning will be on the day we graduate xD), which will be 3150 SEK in total (minus a few smaller expenses). Then, after graduation we will get our last studiebidrag in June (i.e. 1050 SEK).

If I plan my economy accordingly, I won't have to kiss goodbye to all the stipendiums I received last year. (And thank god most of my friends have birthdays later in the year.)

Snabbt ska det gå.

2009-02-17T22:19:00.008+01:00

Min (sista) sportlov tillbringades så här:

Måndag: Träffade Anna och Felix för att hämta Anúna-biljetterna. Gick sedan till Biscuit nära Hagakyrkan med Felix för fika. Vi blev besvikna =/
Tisdag: Besökte ungdomsmottagningen och sedan träfade jag E.
Onsdag: Slapp dag. Kommer inte ihåg vad jag gjorde. Läxor, tror jag.
Torsdag: Firade anti-Valentine's med Anna, Charmaine och Annas kusin Erika. De kom hem till mig för en snabb lunch, sedan stack vi in till stan för lite shopping (fruitless, unfortunately. Or maybe fortunately, considering the money I need to save up for this year.) Anna, Erika och jag svängde förbi G Chocolat efter window-shoppandet innan vi gick hem för att fräscha upp oss för en kväll ute. Kim och födelsedagsbarnet Sarah hoppade senare in i kön till Sticky som vi stog och frös i, men eftersom Sarah hade en flaska champagne i väskan var vi tvungna att gå till ett annat ställe. Det blev en lugn men rolig kväll på The Queen och sedan Burger King :)
Fredag: Fick för mig att jag behövde köpa några grejer så Mabel och jag bestämde oss för sushilunch och shoppingrunda på Frölunda Torg. På vår spårvagnshållplats kom vi på att Asienköket har stängt under sportlovet(!) så vi hoppade på nästa spårvagn på väg in till stan. Lunchade på Asienköket i Nordstan och sedan shopping. Gick hem med fynd från Monki (deras rea är verkligen skitbra!)
Lördag: Slö dag och stressig kväll. Började jobba 20:00 och kom hem 04:30!
Söndag: Seg dag med inget gjort.

Nu har skolan börjat igen och som vanligt fick jag nästan inga läxor gjort under lovet, även om jag hade lovat mig själv att jag skulle vara produktiv. Snacka om lathet. x) I guess I'll be paying for my laziness... A couple of days of intense stress with the project report? Yes please. (But, one reaps what one sows.)

På tal om det här med shopping. Jag har märkt att mitt shoppingsug växer för varje dag. Not good! Jag tänker mycket på vad jag vill ha (i.e. clothes, pretty heels and gadgets) och inte lika mycket på vad jag behöver (i.e. new school bag and a proper pair of shoes for spring-wear). Jag lägger också ganska mycket pengar på fika utan att känna ångest. Basically I'm consuming a lot more, and doing it almost without care, even if I know I can't afford it. Förr har jag varit väldigt sparsam och försiktig med vart jag lägger pengarna, men inte längre so it seems. Vilken dålig timing, säger jag bara! Ekonomisk recession, många utgifter, planerade resor... My newly developed shopping habits couldn't have surfaced during a worse year. *thumbs up* Will make a somewhat detailed list of expenses in next post.

(Köpte denna snygga BH:n igår till full pris... Fan att jag missade Kapp-ahls Room for Change-kampanj by one freakin' day!)

Bittersweet, and not the chocolatey kind either.

2009-02-11T00:04:00.004+01:00

On one hand, I have finally come to terms with this intricate relationship so I feel more confident.

On the other hand, this eerie experience tell me that, yes - what I had before was great, and so I feel... sad, for lack of better words.

Why? I don't want to be sad over such a thing.

Vem vet, inte du. Vem vet, inte jag.

2009-02-08T23:58:00.003+01:00

Once again, har haft en produktiv helg! Städat, fixat grejer, rensat skräp, etc. Tycker att jag måste ta tag i livet och få saker gjort :) Känns riktigt bra faktist. Samtidigt verkar det som jag har nått en punkt där jag faktist kan lose myself (tack till Skins som inspirerade detta) - eller ja, nästan i alla fall. När jag flyttar hemifrån, då kommer det hända saker.

(Skins - a fuckin' amazing show, yah?)

Onto my next topic though (taking it in English because it's quick); the game of love. I really detest how we get sucked into this game of wits and clever facades. Sure, it's fun if you're not serious, but what happens when you get serious? Everything gets so unnecessarily complicated. If we could boycott the game of love, people would probably not torture themselves with crushes/unrequited love. I've seen it tear people down and it seems pretty dreadful and pointless.

Well, my dears, I'm going to screw the rules and speak my mind on my next date. There's my two cents on the topic.

Älskade fredag...

2009-02-05T23:59:00.003+01:00

Fredagsmystajm! ^^

Ska nog på kafé med Sarah efter skolan - hon besökte äntligen G Chocolat förra veckan och sa att "I want every bite of food I ever eat to be from there" xD Haha. Jo, G Chocolat är gudomlig men jag har en kafélista som jag gärna vill gå igenom...

Eftersom Anúna-biljetterna måste hämtas från Pustervik på måndag ska jag försöka övertala Anna och Felix att sticka till Biscuit efteråt (den ligger nära Hagakyrkan).

Ja! Nej! Ja! Nej!

2009-02-04T17:34:00.002+01:00

Causes for celebration:

1) Fick reda på att J-Rock-bandet Girugamesh kommer till Metaltown nu i juni. O_O ♥♥♥ OMFG!! (Cue fangirling. Okay, MUCC and Dir en Grey will be there too but I'm a Girugamesh fan!) Biljetten kostar dock 1325 SEK - no way, inte värt det om jag ska bara se dem inta scenen en gång =/

(Hoppas de kommer tillbaks i framtiden *gråt* TT___TT)

2) Fick MVG i slutbetyg för CAE :) Total amount: 17 stycken.

3) Lov nästa vecka, tack gode gud. Anna, Charmaine och jag ska nog ha en liten anti-Valentine's filmkvällsmysgrej x) Vi kommer nog börja shoppa grejer för balen också.

4) Sky Doll has finally been translated to English! ♥

(Varning! Serien är inte lämplig för barn 8P)

Causes for concern (more like dismay, but okay):

1) Haha, vart ska man börja? Jo, typ PROJEKTARBETET. D8 Oh what's this? Just an anxiety attack? Okay. I can deal with that... (not).

2) Det började snöa idag. Igen. (När ska eländet ta slut?? Jag vill ha sol nu!)

3) Pengar, alltså brist på det. Eller rättare sagt, det finns för många utgifter. Dx Just nu har vi Anúna-konserten, balen, studenten, Alicante och Malaysia (hoppas jag). Har börjat dra ner på fikandet och andra "lyx" utgifter - spara spara får jag göra =(

Symbolist art FTW.

2009-02-02T20:16:00.009+01:00

I discovered Lawrence Alma-Tadema, a brilliant Symbolist painter, a while back in one of my art books, but never really took a look at his artwork till now.

(Why don't people paint like this anymore?)

His style really appeals to me - very Grecian - and he's got a marvelous eye for detail! Some of his paintings are a little darker, but I prefer his works to have a more light, floral touch like the one above.

(An example of his darker works.)

He's so on my list of favourite artists (which include Gustav Klimt, John Bauer and Alphonse Mucha) now! :D

(One of my favourites. ♥)

If society didn't have demands, I'd be a housewife.

2009-02-01T18:35:00.006+01:00

Making this a quick entry (which means writing in English) so that I can get some homework done (D8).

Good stuff - it's the end of the month and I've had a productive weekend. Made a batch of chicken curry for dinner on Friday, as well as the chocolate cupcakes I made the other day. Also made crêpe batter before bedtime so that I could have some scruptious Nutella & banana crêpes for breakfast 8D Which I did, before heading over to Charmaine's to work on our project.

(Made bacon & mushroom crêpes for brunch today with the leftover batter. Nomnom ♥)

I also stumbled upon two very awesome sites whilst looking for recipes/ideas: Startcooking.com and Mr Breakfast.com :D You just gotta love the Interwebs.

Speaking of productivity, we seriously got to buy Helia and Annika a round of drinks when we go to - Alicante! Yep, destination's been changed because KLM is being uncooperative (plus the flight to Alicante is cheaper). Before I had decided to go on the trip I was pretty much indifferent when I heard we were going to Spain. It's not a country or culture I have any particular connections to, so I wasn't as excited like most of my classmates. But still, I did a little research on the province and city and now I'm psyched. xD (Seafood, seafood, seafood! ♥) It'll be my first time to the south of Europe and the Mediterranean basin, and I've got to learn some basic Spanish before we go. I'll ask Felix and Anna for some help (need to learn how to read menus in Spanish... Very important!)

(Bonus photo for the hell of it. Nice day today; too bad I was too busy in the kitchen to enjoy it.)

Baby steps, yeah?

2009-01-28T15:18:00.002+01:00

Är det bara jag eller var Gary på konstig humör idag? (Alltså konstigare än vanligt?) Hursomhelst har det varit en slapp dag. Ska totally joina the Philosophy Club som startats i skolan! xD Grymt.

Igår ansökte jag jobb på Liseberg. Konkurrensen är stenhård men man hopppas alltid. Mitt personliga brev-grejs blev riktigt bra så jag hoppas stå utifrån mängden, at least long enough to get an interview. Sedan har jag börjat öva på mina waitering skills. Fy fan vad svårt det är att bära 3-4 tallrikar på en arm! Dx Jag har inte förstått mig på tekniken än, but practice makes perfect. Samtidigt får jag väl börja stärka vristen och armarna...

Många grejer på gång, men inget gjort ändå...?

2009-01-27T15:35:00.005+01:00

Visst är det jätteskönt att man har en sådan slapp schema nu, men lite sorligt att jag inte kommer se klasskamraterna lika ofta. Det hade jag inte ens tänkt på tills efter vår korta skoldag idag.

Hursomhelst har jag bestämt mig (i sista minuten) att jag ska med på klassresan. Vi hade bestämt att vi ska till Barcelona i 6 dagar, men de billiga biljetter som vi skulle boka igår visade sig tagit slut. So now what? Förslaget är att vi bestämmer imorgon om vi är villiga att lägga ut yttligare 500SEK för bara flygbiljetten för att sedan leta efter en billigare hostel att bo på. Sounds like a plan tycker jag, men jag tänker inte lägga ut mer än de extra 500 spänn på biljetten (alltså 1700SEK totalt för biljetten).

Efter resan blir det prom, sedan studenten. Gud vad tiden rinner iväg.

(Preview of my prom dress!)

Mina planer inför 2009-2010 ser för tillfället ut såhär:

Hitta jobb/jobba deltid.
Ta de kurser som behövs för att komma in på Education-programmet i Skottland.
Skrapa ihop nog pengar för en resa någonstans, någon gång med en kompis.
(Om det finns tid och pengar) Gå på bartendingkurs.

Jag får ångest när jag tittar på listan. D8 Men mer än så vågar jag inte planera.

Ursäkta förra emo-inlägget.

2009-01-26T00:52:00.005+01:00

Som ni kanske märkt var jag inte så on top of my game igår. Det kommer och går, men jag har lyckats distrahera mig själv idag so it's all good :) Dammsög lägenheten, lagade en nyttig middag som bestod av bulghur, haricot verts fräst i vitlök och ångkokt lax i vitt vin och bakade en sats chokladcupcakes med vanilla creamcheesefrosting och skivade päron. Allt medan jag lyssnade på Spitz, Ulfuls, Keane och Enya. Musik gör mig glad ♥ Jag borde ta bort de deprimerande låtar jag har på mp3-spelaren och lägga till flera glada låtar.

(Ulfuls - garanterad glada, ibland country(?!)-inspirerade låtar. Det syns på deras kläder, va?)

(Älskade Spitz ♥ Har också glada låtar, fast bandet är mer mellow än sprattliga Ulfuls.)

Har inte varit så produktiv med skolarbetet i helgen... Får försöka göra klart Geography innan jag går lägger mig.

The hourglass, and how to set yourself free.

2009-01-25T01:14:00.005+01:00

I shake through the wreckage for signs of life
Scrolling through the paragraphs
Clicking through the photographs

I wish I could make sense of what we do
Burning down the capitals
The wisest of the animals

Who are you? What are you living for?
Tooth for tooth, maybe we'll go one more

This life, is lived in perfect symmetry
What I do, that will be done to me

Read page after page of analysis
Looking for the final score
We're no closer than we were before

Who are you? What are you fighting for?
Holy truth? Brother I choose this mortal life

Lived in perfect symmetry
What I do, that will be done to me
As the needle slips into the run-out groove
Love - maybe you'll feel it too

And maybe you'll find life is unkind
And over so soon
There is no golden gate
There's no heaven waiting for you

Oh boy you ought to leave this town
Get out while you can the meter's running down
The voices in the streets you love
Everything is better when you hear that sound

Spineless dreamers hide in churches
Pieces of pieces of rush hour buses
I dream in emails, worn-out phrases
Mile after mile of just empty pages

Wrap yourself around me
Wrap yourself around me
As the needle slips into the run-out groove
Maybe I'll feel it too
Maybe you'll feel it too
Maybe you'll feel it too
Maybe you'll feel it too

I dream in emails, worn out phrases
Mile after mile of just empty pages

In the end, the lyrics for Keane's "Perfect Symmetry" keep coming back to me on days when I feel like everything is nothing. Yet, having racked my brains over and over again, I still have no answer - no, not the answer to the reason for our existence, but the answer to how I can stop being and start living.

People tell me I think too much - thank you for pointing this out, but I more than aware of this. (I really find it funny when people state the obvious; there's got to be a psychological explanation for the phenomenon but let's not get into that now.) It's not like I enjoy torturing myself with my ideas and analysises. There have been times - more often lately - when I wish I could shut off my brain. Superficial distractions work, but only for so long. I can indulge in fashion, school, fantasies of romance, work, chores, food - the whole enchilada - but in the end, what does it really matter? When I get to that point of thought I often feel disgusted with myself and others who seem to be hanging onto superficial manifestations like celebrity crushes, shopping for new clothes and the like. Question is, why? I roll my eyes and think how drone-like it is to immerse oneself in such things, but at the same time I think, why can't I lose myself in simple things like that? Why must I complicate everything? There's a quote that says, "Life's complicated enough without us getting in the way", but I don't know HOW to let things be. On a good day it drives me up the wall until I desperately distract myself. On a bad day I feel as though I'm going nuts and distractions are futile.

I feel like a living contradiction. I need to figure out how to set myself free before it gets worse. How do I convince myself that life is worth something, despite knowing how fabricated our world is? Can I ever lose myself to foolish things like hope, without having to realise that hope is a concept humans have invented for their own benefit? Or, is this state of being unreachable to me because I'm actually striving for nothingness in hopes of something better? (See? In hopes - already a contradiction.)

It's like a blue-or-red-pill scenario, for fuck's sake. I'm starting to think that superficial people either a) has life nailed down or b) are just like me, only they've figured out how to preserve their sanity.

Unusual day.

2009-01-23T21:59:00.012+01:00

Idag sörjde klassen Faranaks bror som omkom igår kväll i Mölndal under en skottlossningsdrama. Helt sjukt att sånt kan hända.

(Rest in peace.)

Förutom det så har dagen varit lugn. Efter en tidig lunch gick Anna, Felix och Charm till G Chocolat som vanligt och jag svängde förbi Hvitfeldtska för att hälsa på Kim i en timme eller så innan jag stack till caféet. Efteråt bestämde Anna, Charm och jag att vi skulle shoppa med Alex, Mabel och hennes kompis Lovisa. Vår mission: get Alex to wear clothes that fit him.

Efter several outfits på H&M hittade vi något enkelt och snyggt som är true to Alexs personliga stil. Mission accomplished :)

(Nice... men inte outfiten vi valde.)

Vi hade också en side mission när Anna och jag släpade Charm till Din Sko: make Charmaine start wearing heels/boots/something else than sneakers. Hon gillade stövlarna hon provade på och har bestämt sig att börja ha på sig dem under våren.

(Mission two accomplished.)

Det blev inga köp för mig idag, men hann förbi Gina Tricot (haha, tänker på Annika och Julia nu xD) innan de stängde - ska nog tillbaks imorgon för att fynda lite. Vill också förbi Emmaus och Remanns vid Järntorget och kolla vad de har in stock.

Just det - jag letade runt efter de perfekta skorna till min balklänning (photo up soon!) idag. De första var ett par gladiatorpumps från Bianco.

(Såna, fast i guld)

Snygga, men inte prom material direkt. Oh well. Andra paret var guld- och vita pumps från Scorett - skitsnygga och på rea! Men de hade inte någon par kvar i min storlek :(

Schema för vårterminen!

2009-01-22T23:05:00.005+01:00

Gött att man bara har 5 olika ämnen nu och slutar vid lunch(!), men tråkigt att bara ha 3 lärare. Och hur tusan kommer vi klara av onsdagar med två Garylektioner på raken? Jisses...

Lugn dag idag; kom sent igen. Hade yearbookmöte efter svenskalektionen och sedan kören efteråt. Sedan kom jag hem och har softat.

Antar att det är alla nyheter för idag.

WANT! <333

2009-01-21T21:15:00.002+01:00

Oh man, I would love me another pair of Irregular Choice. Their online store's got a sale right now, and though I'm technically not supposed to spend any money at the moment, I'm feeling really tempted. These beauties are otherwise quite pricy but on the other hand, the sales are non-refundable.

Schuh's got some pretty nice sales on IC shoes as well.

To purchase, or not to purchase - that is the question...

G Chocolat <3

2009-01-21T20:07:00.008+01:00

Väckarklockan failade idag så jag missade Psychology och kom sent till engelskan. Fick MVG- på Psychologyessayn med Charmaine, vilket vi var glada för, fast jag hörde att många i klassen blev missnöjda med sina betyg.

Under engelskan hörde jag också att folk börjat lägga märke till IHGR-bloggen (alltså Interesting High School Gossip & Rumors) vilket jag har lagt till på min blogglista. My two cents on this blog? Bevis på att Gossip Girl-konceptet inte fungerar i verkligheten. Fast det är modigt att "Jana" (whoever that is - några personer tror att det är jag xD Jag tror forfarande att det kan vara Eelis) experimenterat med det. Tycker bara synd om henne/honom när folk får reda på Janas identitet. Hursomhelst verkar det som om bloggen har stängts ner nu - antar att det började bli riskabelt att fortsätta med den.

Hade ingen Cambridge för Marlo sitter hemma och är sjuk, så det blev onödigt att jag ens kom till skolan. Istället stack Felix, Anna och jag till vår fikaspot G Chocolat. På vägen dit mötte jag Ribena (Robin) från ESG! :D Det var länge sedan. Småpratade lite om the immediate future, verkar som han ska också ta sabbatsår efter studenten.

(Felixs bakelser - fanns också en slice of cheesecake men den försvann ganska snabbt.)

Anyway, Anna provade på G Chocolats morotskaka (♥) och jag tog chokladmuffinsen & varm choklad. Mumsich! Sedan gick Mabel och jag till Sportlife för BodyCombat - vilken träningsångest alltså! Förra gången jag var inne på gymmet var två eller tre dagar innan julafton. *fail*

Börjat spela Pokémon på Gameboy igen... Ska spela klart Silver once and for all! (Jag vet, nördvarning.) Pokémonspelen är faktist skickligt gjorda, och man blir lätt beroende.

Aja, får jobba lite med läxor och tidningen innan jag fortsätter levela upp min Vulpix.

Time to go public?

2009-01-21T00:35:00.008+01:00

Då har man gått och bestämt sig för att skaffa en svengelsk blogg också (jag aimade för en helsvensk blogg först, men that would be wishful thinking.)

Hursomhelst så är ni välkomna in på the litterbox, Julies alternativa blogg som kommer användes randomly + i koppling med hennes BDB. Ni får ursäkta om grammatiska fel förekommer ofta.

So, why another blog? Seriously, like one wasn't enough already. Jo, det är så att min andra blogg är vänstämplad eller vad man nu ska kalla det och det finns mycket jag vill skriva om som inte passar in där, tycker jag (e.g. superficial things like clothes, food - you know, things). Samtidigt så skriver jag för en hel annan publik så stilen är annorlunda. Basically, I want more space to express myself differently, and I want others to have the opportunity to read some of my stuff. Och så försöker jag skriva lite på svenska så jag lär mig hur jag kan uttrycka mig bättre på språket.

Here, have a photo whilst we're at it :)

Det var det för denna inlägg. Kul att man fått digitalkamera nu - ingen läser en blogg utan bilder, som Alexandra säger =P