A message.

I feel like I need to express something, but I'm not sure what about or how to go about it. I can't seem to formulate myself - all I know is that I have this intense desire to express something.

At first I figured I'd talk to someone. It was consoling, but it didn't solve my situation. So here I am, writing mostly for myself but also for anyone else who's interested.

Maybe I want to talk about the recent conscious changes in my life, stuff that's really close to my heart. Problem is, I am afraid of other people's reactions to what I have to say, even though I know that any negative reactions they show isn't directed at me personally but rather an issue they have themselves. I guess this applies to all negative feedback from others but the point is, I need to stop taking it personally and realise that it's really not directed at me.

So yes, I realise that I want to tell you something. That something is Elfpath. This community has become something dear to me lately. It's been a great guide to improving my life and I've felt so much more at peace lately, and most of it's thanks to the people that make up Elfpath.

I know you're going to have prejudices and all sorts of warning signals are going off in your head as you skim the site, but please try and be a little open-minded. Take a second and look past the "lol, what is this, it's a cult or definitely a money scam*" and think "what if?" for just a few seconds. Then decide what you want to do with the information given to you.

When I was directed to Elfpath by a friend I trust, I felt exactly how you felt when you skimmed the site, no joke. At first I was amused and kind of looked down on what was written. "They sound like such looneys, haha. Seriously, the forum must be full of new age-y hippies." But then I decided that, what the heck, I'll sign up for the intro course because I want my life to be better and really, what do I have to lose? And I haven't regret anything yet.

The road hasn't been easy, and it's going to get harder before it gets easier. My Elfpath group has an upcoming lesson about fear and anger which is probably going to be really tough because I have a lot of anger stored up. You must know right now that a) Elfpath is not a quick-fix thing and b) You need to put in the work to see results. The great thing about the community is that the teachers give you the tools to help yourself, and they don't force you to believe anything, only that you are willing to try things and see for yourself. It's all up to you, and the tea house (i.e. the community) is there to help you should you need it.

So, we come to the point of this message. I want to get word of Elfpath out there. Every day I log onto Facebook and Twitter and there's so much complaining, so much anger, so many negative thoughts. What amuses me and saddens me the most is when people join pages or groups with negative context. I used to partake in it, feasting off the negativity till one day I realised that what I'm doing isn't rewarding me in any way and that it was probably pretty unhealthy. I want to be happy, damn it. Being angry, upset and negative takes a LOT of energy - energy which you can spend in so many better and constructive ways. Though I started learning to deal with this before Elfpath, I can say that I've made significantly more progress with the help of the community because I know that I'm not alone in my struggles. So if you feel like I did, or feel like you want to change and be happy, please give Elfpath a fair chance. You won't know till you've tried.

If you have ANY thoughts, any questions, anything, I am more than willing to see if I can answer them.

* Introduction course is free, fyi.

Hylian vertigo.

Yeah, I've been playing Oracle of Seasons for too long - talk about feeling dazed and being unable to focus my sight (I was supposed to have napped when I got home, too). Basically feeling like a Boomeranged ChuChu.

(It can't be helped though. I just adore Legend of Zelda :3)

Anyway, can't really nap; don't want to muck about with my sleeping hours again. Sleeping 3 hours and then to be semi-awake for another 3 hours until forced out of bed at 10:30 is not much fun. Guess I could get around to getting into (slightly more) detail about my university choices.

Like I wrote previously, I'm torn between 3 choices and the situation is this: I've received unconditional offers for both the joint honours and the FdA, which means I've received a place at the university (note: University of Derby). Though I never applied for the BSc*, the UCAS application guide booklet tells me the following.

"If you are happy with your choice of university or college but you want to change your choice of course [...] you should write to the university or college direct [...] If the university or college agrees, they will tell us about the change. If you have already received an offer from the university or college for your original choice, we will cancel it and the new offer will show on Track."

So, before I call the admissions office I need to have decided that I want to go for the BSc since my other offers will be cancelled. But what to decide?

Hospitality & Spa Therapies (Joint honours)
Pros: More variety in skills means I can look for work outside the spa industry and keep my options open; Hospitality seems like a fun thing to study.
Cons: Not getting the most out of my spa studies; will possibly have a harder time getting work or promotions in either field because it's a more all-round degree, especially in the hospitality industry

Spa (Management pathway) FdA
Pros: Feels like a more practical, hands-on (read: easier xD) management education than the BSc; skills learnt in this pathway open up career opportunities in self-employment, spa administration thus possibly a fatter pay-check.
Cons: A foundation degree isn't as "good" or impressive as a bachelors; I will only get work placements at the university's spa (I think). Management skills are more transferable than therapy skills.

Spa (Therapies pathway) FdA
Pros: More hands-on and I get to learn more about the actual therapies, which is what I'm interested in.
Cons: Harder work and less pay than management work. Possibly harder to find work. Less opportunity for promotion and self-employment. Focused skills means they aren't as transferable, thus narrowing job field.

International Spa Management (BSc)
Pros: Most prestigious of the 3 (4) options. Most job opportunities, will definitely define my career path for the next 6 years at least.
Cons: Will basically lock me into a career that I may or may not like; might not be able to handle the pressure of the course (optional 4th year international work placement, HELLA NERVE-WRECKING)

Needless to say, I'm procrastinating.



* Don't ask me why. Not sure what reasoning I had at the time, but it was probably deduced from a delusional state of mind caused by stress from the impending UCAS application deadline.

Sometimes, you just get that urge.

Don't feel like writing in my Livejournal, don't feel like writing in my journal. Thus, I return to my blogspot sanctuary for some jibberjabber.

I believe this blogspot is now little more than a year old. Time is such a fickle thing but contemplation upon the subject makes no man happy, therefore I'll leave it at that.

But yeah, it's March. This means there will be a few birthdays to celebrate (notably Mabel's). Not sure what's going down quite yet (I vote fancy dinner at home or cake buffet at café Villekulla, maybe even both if we feel like being overly decandent), but I will at least finally be having lunch at Brasserie Västerhav (Ester Mosessson's lunch restaurant where Mabel will be working the next 3 weeks) with mom and possibly Maximilian. That should be rather exciting :)

This week I will also (most hopefully) be finalising my university decisions. I'm still torn between the joint honours (Hospitality & Spa Therapies), the FdA (Spa, and then to choose either the management or therapies pathway) and the BSc (International Spa Management, assuming I can still get a place there*). What I choose will very much affect how I will work in the industry in the future, or so it feels like anyway. I will talk about the differences in my next entry.**

Now to bed, because we have people who're coming over to change the radiators at the god-awful hour of 7am.




* I didn't apply for the course. In retrospect, a poor decision.
** Assuming I am not too lazy, and that I'll write my next entry on blogspot. Heh.

Current mood.

No more flirts,
No more "feelings",
No more "You're wonderful"s (pseudo);
No more courting,
No more touching,
No more fake dates with fake words;
No more sex,
No more kissing,
No more intimacy sold cheaply;
No more pretending,
No more heartache,

No more - please.

(Let me slip into something more comfortable.)

New option.

Soooo. Singapore for uni studies - yes, no?


(Well, t'is all I got time to write. Gotta return to the bore that is Geography.)

I like these kind of challenges.

How many times have you been in love? If going by the definition of "falling in love" with a person romantically - once.

Favourite sweets: Sour sweets and chocolate.

Coolest city you've ever visited: All cities are cool in their own way, but my favourites are most likely Paris and Edinburgh. Though I'll be going to Alicante and Amsterdam soon, so this might change! (Doubtful, but you never know.)

Action or horror? I think horror movies are pointless and silly. Except for Saw I, which was seriously scary.

What you wanted to be when you were younger: Fashion designer or professional freelance illustrator around 12; psychologist around 14. Now? Teacher :)

When did you receive your first kiss? I believe I was around 12, with my first "boyfriend" Alex. Ah, childhood.

How were you like in middle/high school? Shy, introverted and later kind of dark by year 8-9.

What are your addictions? Good food, sunshine and my music. Also Twitter, which is my most recent addiction.

Most fun event of the day: Playing Restaurant City on Facebook (thanks Shaun =P)

Most sad/boring event of the day: Finding out that a good online friend just broke up with her boyfriend of 6 years.

Mood of the day: Quite good; not overly cheerful but not depressing either.

What TV shows do you follow? ATM CSI Las Vegas, Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy, Gossip Girl, Project Runway and Criminal Minds.

What do you like the most about yourself? That I'm evolving into a more positive person and that I'm handling negative aspects of my life rather gallantly.

What do you like the least about yourself? That I have trouble letting go and just indulging in doing crazy, free-spirited things like most kids my age.

What is the most fun thing you know? Depends on my mood really.

Do you have a motto? Not really. I don't feel the need to live my life by a guideline summarised in one sentence.

Secret hobby? Secret? Why even bother with a secret hobby? And if I did have one I wouldn't be writing it up on a public blog, would I?

Something we don't know about you? Uuuh. I've recently started considering Singapore as an option for uni studies? :D

What do you regret? What do you wish for? I regret not going to culinary school. I wish I weren't so careful in love.

Something that you can't survive without? Music.

What do you prefer to do on a weekday? Depends on my mood. It can vary from spending an eventful day with friends, a fun one with the family or an insightful one by myself.

What do you prefer to do on a Saturday evening? A social activity with close and fun people.

What do you have most of in your wardrobe? Shirts. I don't have enough skirts or dresses.

Dream job: Either owning a successful cupcakery, being a housewife or an event planner (particularly of the wedding and party kind, hehe.)

---

Challenged by: Bea.
Challenging: Emma, Shaun + anyone who feels like doing this.

We're at the end of the road

Oh shit. There's a week left of school before Alicante.

This would be all dandy and fine if I didn't have so many assignments left to do. And yet here I am still procrastinating. For some reason I just can't bring myself to do my assignments. School work is the last of my priorities right now, and though I told myself to hold it up for this last spurt I just can't bring myself to do it. At this point I just want to get it all done, grades to hell with it. I can live with Gs and VGs.

Anyway, listen to this instrumental song; it's energizing and uplifting. I always feel warm and hopeful after listening to it a few times. ♥



Okay, I'll attempt to get organized and get some stuff done.

Needing some "Me" time

Had our project presentations last week - what a relief! Now with that behind me I can try and get my act together for Civics, History, Philosophy and Geography... (It's kinda embarrassing how far back I've fallen with these subjects, at least for my standards, so I need to work on my fighting spirit. The last spurt before graduation..!)

School matters aside, I need to take a timeout from anything related to flirting, sex and people of the opposite sex. Harder said than done. But yeah, I'm sick of it (sick of a lot of things actually). I want it to be about me and my well-being - physically, emotionally and mentally. I want, and need, to take care of myself first.

To do that I guess I'll need to document this somehow (and here's where the blog comes in, partially.) I'll write down small things I do day-to-day that bring me a sense of serenity and completeness, and I'll also write down how I feel during my "up" moments.

(Let's try to stay positive.)

When I came home from school today I lit a rose-scented cone incense. Took a while to figure out how to keep the cone smouldering (it's a bit tricky), but eventually I had lush, smoky-white tendrils licking the air and a lovely aroma of sandalwood, rose and smoke spread through the apartment. It was especially nice to sit on the balcony and enjoy the smell in quiet sunshine.

Now as I'm writing this, I also have a piping hot cup of Chinese green tea (the gunpowder variety) on the table.

It's kinda nice, you know. ♥

Anyway. SPS3 is heading for Stockholm on Wednesday. Knowing Kristina, it's going to be hectic and stressful but hopefully we'll manage xD I'll also meet up with Per for some smaller chitchat and to retrieve a Macbook from him. Hopefully, more on that in the next post.

"Do you fancy a quick fiddle now we're in here?"

FUCK this. I will be cryptic. *types away*

***

Turbulent week in terms of matters of the "heart". Started with E, then added was J. Later, as a surprise, S jumped into the equation only to jump out. So now only E and J? Not that I mind, but I was looking forward to having S.

Actually, given the choice right this moment it'd be S, J and E. But circumstances can change. And the "heart" can change - oh yes, it can.

Sizzling, burning, intense S? Cuddly, quirky, sweet J? Calm, pleasant, casual E? Sounds like drugs; not far from the truth. Can't OD though - must make a choice. Clearly, S is a bad batch but good girls like to taste that which is bad. Good girls are practically drawn to bad things like moths towards fire. The high obtained with J is wonderful but short-lasting. Took a great deal of effort to whip up this mixture, but do I really I want it? And god knows what E will make me do - does it even have an effect really? It's old news and I want something else.

(Truth be told, drug effects are temporary but they give me satisfaction, if only for a while. Brain damage may occur in the process, but what do I care? I only want a bit of fun.)

I have no patience - I want my fix now. The dealer better hand it to me next week, though I have no idea what will be delivered. Definitely not S, which is unfortunate. I shall have to taste both E and J.

Live music, mmm.

Just came back from an evening at Diamond Dogs with Kim. Yay ♥

Anyway, it's been an intense week. Project has been handed in and now I can kick back and relax... NOT. >> At least it's one less thing to do.

So I have much to write, but I can't be bothered. Summarize, shall I?

Örebro: Great fun - got to meet loads of people. Itch members left inspired, which is fantastic.
Class dinner: Not as fun as last time, but still good =)

Now to study for Geography tomorrow. Ta now.