Needing some "Me" time

Had our project presentations last week - what a relief! Now with that behind me I can try and get my act together for Civics, History, Philosophy and Geography... (It's kinda embarrassing how far back I've fallen with these subjects, at least for my standards, so I need to work on my fighting spirit. The last spurt before graduation..!)

School matters aside, I need to take a timeout from anything related to flirting, sex and people of the opposite sex. Harder said than done. But yeah, I'm sick of it (sick of a lot of things actually). I want it to be about me and my well-being - physically, emotionally and mentally. I want, and need, to take care of myself first.

To do that I guess I'll need to document this somehow (and here's where the blog comes in, partially.) I'll write down small things I do day-to-day that bring me a sense of serenity and completeness, and I'll also write down how I feel during my "up" moments.

(Let's try to stay positive.)

When I came home from school today I lit a rose-scented cone incense. Took a while to figure out how to keep the cone smouldering (it's a bit tricky), but eventually I had lush, smoky-white tendrils licking the air and a lovely aroma of sandalwood, rose and smoke spread through the apartment. It was especially nice to sit on the balcony and enjoy the smell in quiet sunshine.

Now as I'm writing this, I also have a piping hot cup of Chinese green tea (the gunpowder variety) on the table.

It's kinda nice, you know. ♥

Anyway. SPS3 is heading for Stockholm on Wednesday. Knowing Kristina, it's going to be hectic and stressful but hopefully we'll manage xD I'll also meet up with Per for some smaller chitchat and to retrieve a Macbook from him. Hopefully, more on that in the next post.

"Do you fancy a quick fiddle now we're in here?"

FUCK this. I will be cryptic. *types away*

***

Turbulent week in terms of matters of the "heart". Started with E, then added was J. Later, as a surprise, S jumped into the equation only to jump out. So now only E and J? Not that I mind, but I was looking forward to having S.

Actually, given the choice right this moment it'd be S, J and E. But circumstances can change. And the "heart" can change - oh yes, it can.

Sizzling, burning, intense S? Cuddly, quirky, sweet J? Calm, pleasant, casual E? Sounds like drugs; not far from the truth. Can't OD though - must make a choice. Clearly, S is a bad batch but good girls like to taste that which is bad. Good girls are practically drawn to bad things like moths towards fire. The high obtained with J is wonderful but short-lasting. Took a great deal of effort to whip up this mixture, but do I really I want it? And god knows what E will make me do - does it even have an effect really? It's old news and I want something else.

(Truth be told, drug effects are temporary but they give me satisfaction, if only for a while. Brain damage may occur in the process, but what do I care? I only want a bit of fun.)

I have no patience - I want my fix now. The dealer better hand it to me next week, though I have no idea what will be delivered. Definitely not S, which is unfortunate. I shall have to taste both E and J.

Live music, mmm.

Just came back from an evening at Diamond Dogs with Kim. Yay ♥

Anyway, it's been an intense week. Project has been handed in and now I can kick back and relax... NOT. >> At least it's one less thing to do.

So I have much to write, but I can't be bothered. Summarize, shall I?

Örebro: Great fun - got to meet loads of people. Itch members left inspired, which is fantastic.
Class dinner: Not as fun as last time, but still good =)

Now to study for Geography tomorrow. Ta now.

In Örebro!

Has been a long day - four hours by bus! I'm glad I got more company this time xD We're sleeping in a classroom (luckily I brought a liggunderlag).

Anywho, have to sleep now. Breakfast is served from 07:00 to 08:45... Damn, that's early for a weekend.

(We got t-shirts! :D)

Speak.

I should blog about something. Question is, what?

I've written a bunch of things and then removed them, three times now. I know what I truly wish to write about but I can't.

Maddafakka - att jag inte ens kan skriva om mitt sex- och kärleksliv på MIN blogg.

Technically, I could write what I want. But the trouble that may follow will be too much for me to add to my plate. SO, I will attempt to write about something else. Like my views on love and relationships.

If someone were to ask me what I think about relationships, I would probably respond negatively. But the truth is, I don't know what to think.

On one hand, I find that many relationships are superficial, false, and worse of all, it renders many people helpless and/or weak. Why do we constantly look for happiness in other people? Is it that unbearable to - gaspage! - live your life without a significant partner? I believe the answer is no. In a way, people who constantly search for "the one" disgust me. I also get annoyed with people who fall hard when they fall in and out of love (i.e. they have short-lasting "serious" relationships and never learn from their failures). Both these people tend to be repeatedly dissatisfied with their love lives because they don't understand what a serious relationship is all about. For goodness sake, if you can't do it right, a) try to learn, b) don't complain about it or c) DON'T DO IT.

Seriously. A major factor for success in a relationship has to do with your self-image. If you are not content with yourself, generally unhappy and insecure, you will most likely not reach that ultimate relationship that most people dream of. The "love" you give will be false; you will love because you are being loved back, and what you have is temporary because the foundations aren't strong. Not to mention, the people you attract in life reflect yourself. If your partner's a mess, you should take a look in the mirror; if you are unhappy with your partner, take a look in the mirror. My point is, if you're unhappy with yourself, how on earth do you expect to be happy with someone else? That's two unhappy people in a "loving" relationship. A formula for success? I think not. If you do improve your self-image, it is likely that you'll have a higher chance of a successful relationship. At the same time, you will learn that you can survive without one and can actually be happy staying single.

Despite what I feel about relationships, I do still believe that they can be wonderful as long as they're done right. People just have to start using their heads more. I'm not saying they should suppress their feelings - I'm saying that they need to be smart about it. Because, yes; there is actually more to a relationship that just feelings and sex.

I've said (some of) my peace now and I'll stop - this post went from no writing to a little too much. xD

Haha, haven't written poems in a while.

There can never be a you-and-me;
Who knows where the road starts.
Seconds have slipped by through the window
When we weren't watching shared steps, but
Watching our own.
White doors fade into the background just
As quickly as they had surfaced
A moment before.
We follow the coloured one instead -
"Mine is blue, what is yours?"
Would have been the question asked.
Perhaps it is blue too
But the idea of perfection overwhelms.
Now we can only lose ourselves
And not each other.

***

This is a poem about missed oppurtunities, uncrossed paths and strangers. I was inspired by the possible irony of desperate people looking high and low for the perfect partner/friend who could've very well been that random person who stood three spots ahead of you in a grocery line last Wednesday afternoon.

Hope you enjoyed reading this :) Feedback is welcome.

Insert title of choice.

I'm really into Loreena McKennitt at the moment. That woman has such an amazing voice, not to mention her music is outstanding - powerful, moving and full of mystery. ♥ Surprisingly enough I think I enjoy her Middle-East inspired compositions over her Celtic ones.

(I wonder if she's ever toured in Sweden?)

Another thing I'm into at the moment is Secret Diary of a Call Girl. Saw it on TV yesterday, was intrigued and am currently going through the first season. I never really liked Billie Piper in Doctor Who, but she does an excellent job as Belle/Hannah.

Anyway. I'm wearing braces again. 9 months - should pass by pretty quickly. I wanted to see if they could postpone it till after graduation, but to hell with it really. If I look like a nerdy mofo in Alicante, at prom and graduation, so be it x)

So, CAE and Mikaela's sleepover party this Saturday, followed by a weekend in Örebro next week. Busy, busy, busy.

Piscean birthdays

Mabel's birthday today :) Had dinner at Déjà Vu with her, mom and Alex - food was quite all right, perhaps a tad salty. I had lime-crusted salmon with baked potato and basil créme. Dessert was okay - chocolate fudge cake with strawberry preserves and whipped cream. No photos unfortunately, since that restaurant has REALLY crappy lighting.

Tomorrow's Sarah A's birthday - I think she's planning something this weekend. Mikaela from NP will have her birthday evening next Saturday after the Cambridge exams. Sometime this or next week my cousin and aunt will also have their birthdays. And of course, I attended Caitlin's birthday party on Sunday.

Hah, March is spring's equivalent to autumn's September in terms of birthdays. xD

Pixel Love!

Me ♥ pixel games. Dirk Valentine is the shit!

Today I tried Magnum Temptations Caramel - very meh. Also, it came in a fancy box! WTF, what a waste and how unnecessary for the price (23 SEK for a tiny Magnum.)

Also, if you haven't got one already, get Twitter so that I can stalk you 8) My username's astaldoia.

That's it for today, folks.

Last weekend...

... was great fun.

First, a fun afternoon with Sarah, Felix, Charm and Emma at G Chocolat (where else?). There was cake buffet for 50 SEK! Ah, happy days ♥ It was a shame that Anna couldn't grab her share, though when she dropped by after her errands we force-fed her some of our slices.

(I actually restrained myself and took 3 slices - there were 7 different cakes in total.)

There were also free chocolates on the counter, and free semlor. Is it any wonder why we're there so often? ♥

Later on in the evening, Anna, Felix and I headed to Annedalkyrkan for Anúna's performance - and what a performance it was. Hearing great choral voices in the acoustics of the church is nothing short of breathtaking. And the great thing is that Anúna's not a professional choir, which is why they also have a personal and humourous approach when addressing their audience. The McGlynn brothers are very amusing xD

(All my favourite songs were performed! When they announced "Dúlamán" there was a very audiable "Yes!" from the front row which could or could not have been me... 8D;)

After the concert was over we got to talk to some of the singers - I believe it was Rory, Kevin, Lucy, Alice and John. So much fun to be able to converse with them about random stuff. Also, Felix bought the Sensations album but forgot to get Michael to sign it Dx We fail. But it was fun to see him stand behind the sales counter like some comical manager who's selling merchandise to people after getting his trained monkeys to entertain the crowd - you get the picture x)

Fast-forward to Saturday evening - "movie night" at Felix's. When I arrived only Magnus was there, and shortly after Hedvig joined us. We shared a really nice spicy tomato soup which Felix had prepared. Eventually the rest arrive - Emma, Anna, Sarah and John (or Slinzer). We watched Knocked Up, had Sarah's quick-fix kladdkaka and then just goofed around and talked.

(We had frozen blueberries with the kladdkaka. People forgot to put them back in the freezer. Looks like menstruation blood, doesn't it? Slinz smeared some on his face and ran roaring into Felix's room, in true war-paint style.)

Anywho. That was last weekend, all great and stuff. This week, not so great. At least I found a new song that I like ("All Spark" by The Editors :D)