I shake through the wreckage for signs of life
Scrolling through the paragraphs
Clicking through the photographs
I wish I could make sense of what we do
Burning down the capitals
The wisest of the animals
Who are you? What are you living for?
Tooth for tooth, maybe we'll go one more
This life, is lived in perfect symmetry
What I do, that will be done to me
Read page after page of analysis
Looking for the final score
We're no closer than we were before
Who are you? What are you fighting for?
Holy truth? Brother I choose this mortal life
Lived in perfect symmetry
What I do, that will be done to me
As the needle slips into the run-out groove
Love - maybe you'll feel it too
And maybe you'll find life is unkind
And over so soon
There is no golden gate
There's no heaven waiting for you
Oh boy you ought to leave this town
Get out while you can the meter's running down
The voices in the streets you love
Everything is better when you hear that sound
Spineless dreamers hide in churches
Pieces of pieces of rush hour buses
I dream in emails, worn-out phrases
Mile after mile of just empty pages
Wrap yourself around me
Wrap yourself around me
As the needle slips into the run-out groove
Maybe I'll feel it too
Maybe you'll feel it too
Maybe you'll feel it too
Maybe you'll feel it too
I dream in emails, worn out phrases
Mile after mile of just empty pages
In the end, the lyrics for Keane's "Perfect Symmetry" keep coming back to me on days when I feel like everything is nothing. Yet, having racked my brains over and over again, I still have no answer - no, not the answer to the reason for our existence, but the answer to how I can stop being and start living.
People tell me I think too much - thank you for pointing this out, but I more than aware of this. (I really find it funny when people state the obvious; there's got to be a psychological explanation for the phenomenon but let's not get into that now.) It's not like I enjoy torturing myself with my ideas and analysises. There have been times - more often lately - when I wish I could shut off my brain. Superficial distractions work, but only for so long. I can indulge in fashion, school, fantasies of romance, work, chores, food - the whole enchilada - but in the end, what does it really matter? When I get to that point of thought I often feel disgusted with myself and others who seem to be hanging onto superficial manifestations like celebrity crushes, shopping for new clothes and the like. Question is, why? I roll my eyes and think how drone-like it is to immerse oneself in such things, but at the same time I think, why can't I lose myself in simple things like that? Why must I complicate everything? There's a quote that says, "Life's complicated enough without us getting in the way", but I don't know HOW to let things be. On a good day it drives me up the wall until I desperately distract myself. On a bad day I feel as though I'm going nuts and distractions are futile.
I feel like a living contradiction. I need to figure out how to set myself free before it gets worse. How do I convince myself that life is worth something, despite knowing how fabricated our world is? Can I ever lose myself to foolish things like hope, without having to realise that hope is a concept humans have invented for their own benefit? Or, is this state of being unreachable to me because I'm actually striving for nothingness in hopes of something better? (See? In hopes - already a contradiction.)
It's like a blue-or-red-pill scenario, for fuck's sake. I'm starting to think that superficial people either a) has life nailed down or b) are just like me, only they've figured out how to preserve their sanity.
(Rest in peace.)
Their online store's got a sale right now, and though I'm technically not supposed to spend any money at the moment, I'm feeling really tempted. These beauties are otherwise quite pricy but on the other hand, the sales are non-refundable. 
